Relationship Killers

30 Jun 2011 65 Comments

by creamandcoffee in Coffee Tags: #relationships

Hey Goblins,

Coffee here with another exciting post *runs around* whoopie -_-

First of all I have to say a huge thank you to everyone that read and left a comment on my last post. I read all of them and responded to 90% of the comments.

Hoodneegah if you rear your ugly head in this post I will hunt you down :I

So a number of people asked for a part 2 of ‘What women want’ and because I am a lovely person (no I’m not) I surveyed four new female followers and I absolutely loved everything they wrote in their lists and I hope you guys do.

Before I post their relationship killers, let me just say what kills a relationship for me completely.

1. If you talk too damn much I will dead that relationship quickly. I like to keep my business to myself so I expect you to do the same. whatever happens in our relationship stays between us. Don’t be sharing details about what we do/don’t do with your cousin from your grandma’s side twice removed. We don’t that over here.

Let’s get started:

Zara (@Novacrossqueen)

1. Sex- well I was gonna do the list in no particular order, but this definitely comes first, I mean my man has to be open to anything (but not too open that he starts having sex without me, ha..) If I wanna hang from the ceiling fan and nak to George of the jungle music, he better come with that rope and ky jelly… and Dear Lord, all those men that do not give head, I pray they never find me in their lifetime, Amen.

2. Know when to shut up – can you not see that im in the middle of training my snail for the 100m race, I don’t care for what you have to say right now… go get snail steroids. No offense, but some men don’t know that sometimes I just wanna sit and be quiet, none of that ‘trying to connect on a spiritual level all the time so that we can read each other’s mind’ crap…

3. Money – I cannot make a list without this, abi will I run my relationship on engine oil? Money is important, I don’t mind taking care of my man… paying for shit, as long as he plans to take care of me back in the near future..after all we are not married, its just a relationship, if im coming to your house, U pay my taxi, if youre coming to mines, I pay… or we can just meet halfway and nak at bar beach…

4. Your mother – don’t give your mum my number. Period.

5. Unclean spirits – that same boy that was showing up to my office looking like they ripped him out from pages of GQ, that’s the same nigga I wanna date o, not 3weeks down the line you looking like you have hobo DNA…. You have to be so fresh and so clean, if I look at your dick I can almost see my reflection… hello.

 

Sekemi (@SekemiB)

So I was asked to write 5 relationship killers and my number one has got to be the >>
1. Amebo/insecure boyfriend: The fella keeps asking you why you replied his bbms late or why you didn’t pick up his calls or when you get off skype he asks who you just skyped with I mean! Are you my boyfriend or my father?!

2. My boyfriend the Droner: The bf who calls but yet has nothing to say except whisper what he happens to think are sweet ‘somethings’ in my poor sensible convo deprived ears. He’s the ‘hi boo I miss you. The last time I saw you I just wanted to kiss you so bad, you’re so sexy’ guy.  He’s also the guy who makes you feel like your brain cells are depreciating per second. The ‘so what’s up guy?’ the ‘oh ok you’re eating so what you doing next?’ guy. The ‘so are you thinking about me?’ Guy. The guy you only agreed to date cause you were attracted to him and not because you knew him that well or even if you did at the time you were probably desperate to jump on the girls with boys bandwagon. The sooner you realise this about your relationship the sooner it ends!
3. Help! My boyfriend is a Flipping Pervert: He is the ‘so what are you wearing now?’ douche. Or the send me pictures of you rasclat(or whatever its called) I don’t care if we’re seeing each other, how many more flipping years have to go by before these monsters realise that this is NOT a seductive line. Neither is it complimentary in any form so sit your bottoms down and stop asking such questions you gentle pervs. If your girlfriend wants to send you pics I think you would’ve had em by now and wouldn’t need to keep asking :*

4. The washing galore guy: I guess it’s the general consensus in male land that if you praise a female she’ll be on her knees… Well it’s wrong. With a capital ONG. I for one am not a fan of constant compliments or mushiness. Calling me cubby cake will get you no points, calling me sweetums will get you dumped. ‘Hey beautiful’ will make me appreciate you cause of course compliments matter but when it starts to sound ridiculous as opposed to making me feel secure then we’re over.

5. Tranquility: If you are too accepting as a lad then I’m sorry our relationship will cease before it begins. I know this might sound silly but I love fighting. Lol it genuinely makes me happy. If our relationship is a smooth sailing boat on the atlantic ocean without any Pirate of the Caribbean like storms then it’s not gonna work out. I love me some rough arguments and at the beginning stages I hate to see people getting attached. It reaches into my inner robot and I power down immediately! Don’t be so blehh! Grow some balls and argue with me.
All this being said and I’m out like I’m outside. Toodles.

Samantha (@SamanthaSiren)

1. Giving up the nookie too soon.

I’m strong believer of the POWER OF THE P. Yes, you better believe there are diamonds between those thighs. Sex can be a lot of things. It can be casual or spiritual. It can make or break a relationship but in the end…Sex is power. You may sleep with a guy on the first day, and your puissance may be SO good, that it could single handedly turn his intentions from simply bumping pelvics to want some of the GOOD for more than just a night. That’s the exception. But we all know 90% of the time…When you let a man penetrate you too soon, you give off your power. So just play it safe, and make him ass wait for it. Think of it as you doing him a favour, that’s why it’s called “Giving it up”. On a different context, Would you do someone a favour, who you know deep down is not deserving? (Just yet). The perfect time to finally have sex is subjective.  Analyze your situation to what you think is best.I’m not going to go in-depth with the matter. You’re a smart girl and you know how it goes. Just hold off as long as YOU possibly can. You’re the flower. You hold the will-POWER and His balls are in your court

2. Extras in the Mix.

Let me confess, in the past…the reason why most of all my bestfriend’s ex boyfriends could shrink me to a funsized doll and put me in a juicer and press ON is because I’m partially respeonsible for their break ups. I wasn’t being a hater….I just always felt like she could do BETTER. That brings me to me to my point. A relationship should be between two people, and that’s it. When you now try and include background dancers in the mix…it fucks up the whole vibe. Ladies I know it’s difficult not to share with your girls…esp when he has a feather tongue and a great third leg to come with the package but do keep your business, YOUR BUSINESS. And fellas, please…be YOUR OWN MAN, you do not need validation from the rest of your boys about your relationship, because half time the time…I can guarantee that one of your boys would wanna hit that, in the strangest position.

3. Case of the EX

I used to think the best way to get over a person is to move on to the next. You know what that’s like? Breaking out in the face and adding pounds of make up to cover it. If you’ve met someone you think you want to take it to the next level with, do a self-check and make sure you are not carrying any suppressed emotional bagggage from the past with you. I was with a dude that ALWAYS talked about his ex. Every single time, he would bring up her name out the clear blue. Like WTF, we were just talking about Golden Morn??? It’s not cute. Deal with your emotions, get past it, then get on. Ladies….I’m not letting you slide from this one either…granted, we’ve all been hurt at least once from some scrotum-sack before, but don’t be a fool and let the next man pay for YOUR own jacked up choices, especially if it’s something you know deep down could be good for you.

4. Pride

I’ve always joked “For those who swallow…what does Pride taste like?” Granted, not a lot of people are worth it…but I do believe nothing kills relationships and marriages more than PRIDE. There’s a difference between having Pride like a King, and straight up FOOLISH pride. Again, don’t be a fool.  No matter how much of a bad guy/babe you think your are, there has to be some EXCEPTION. Think about the last good relationship you were in, if it was truly THAT irredeemable and tell me that Foolish Pride doesn’t have everything to do with why things didn’t work…….*Katt William’s voce* I’D WAIT.  Serious note, I’m a passionate person so I believe in giving all you’ve got, so when you walk away…you know it’s a WRAP and there’s nothing there left for you. Don’t let your Pride get in the way of something good.

5. Maintain your own life

I’m sure everyone has the one friend that got a new boo, got too caught up, stopped hanging out with their friends and basically just whole world to kiss their ass, Or it may even be YOU reading this. Tsk tsk tsk Booooooo. Oya, cover your face in shame. Don’t get so caught up in a relationship that you begin to lose sight of your own goals. Let me tell you what would happen….you would inherently suffocate your lover, give them too much POWER and next thing you know, they’d start to get TOO comfortable. Nothing in life is guaranteed, nothing. Not to talk less of the promise of companionship from a fellow human being who is structured to fuck up…just like you. Do what you do, regardless of who walks into your life.

Onye (@Onyeyeezy)

1) Comparison: There’s nothing I hate more than being compared to an ex girlfriend. It’s extremely rude and insensitive. I am a different person and as such will do and handle things differently. “Oh ….. never talked to me like this, oh ….. always knew how to make me smile, bla bla blaaaa” well in case you haven’t noticed, I am NOT your ex!! Comparing me to your ex will only make me feel you are not over her, which will eventually ruin our relationship.

2)  Excessive Jealousy/Paranoia: I understand people get jealous and a bit uncomfortable when someone is hitting on your partner, it’s completely normal, I get jealous easily. However when you start demanding to know who every guy I talk to is, stalking my every move and invading my privacy by going through my phone, that’s when we’ll have a problem.

3) Trust: Tbh there’s no relationship without trust. And I’m not just talking about being faithful, if we are in a relationship I expect you to not only be my boyfriend but to also be like my best friend and brother, I should be able to talk to you about family issues, school stress etc and trust that you’ll be there for me and also keep whatever I tell you to yourself. I believe most guys cheat, it’s kinda the new ‘norm’ so I always prepare myself for that, but I should trust that it won’t be a normal occurrence and that you would tell me (I’m a very tolerable person and I forgive easily).

4) Playing the ‘age’ card: I like dating older guys, you have to be at least 4-5 years older than me. If we get into a fight or an argument, don’t bring my age into it. Didn’t you know how old I was before we started dating? So why is my age an issue only when we have a disagreement? When I’m in a relationship I believe we are equals, I will treat you with respect obviously because you are older but that doesn’t stop me from shouting and cursing at you when I’m angry. Don’t think I’ll keep quiet and take your crap because of your age.

5) Ambition: Like I said earlier, I like dating older guys. You can’t be in your mid/late 20′s and lack ambition. I believe everyone should be ambitious, if all you want to do is drink and club every weekend and smoke weed with your guys, then the relationship won’t last. If you’re still in uni, I expect you to take it seriously not to be ‘faffing’ around ‘waking and baking’ with your guys and expecting daddy to sort you out after uni. You should have started making future plans of your own. I like talking about the future and it’s sexy watching a guy talk about the plans he has and what he hopes to achieve by a certain age. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I expect us to be together till marriage but I refuse to date an NFA regardless of if it leads to marriage or if we only date for a week.

 

So there you have it guys. personally my favorite list is by Sekemi, I’m really glad I asked her to send me hers because her personality is very refreshing. You know what to do: leave a comment telling me what kills a relatonship for you and also if you agree with anything the girls mentioned in this post.

Coffee out.